I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
