I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
