I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
