You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
