i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize