You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
