do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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