Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
