I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
