Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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