i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was confusing and full of hummus
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
