I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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