oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
