I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
two words: eviction party
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize