foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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