I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
