hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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