he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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