3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
