when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
