I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
