Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
