ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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