I'm going to jail i love you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
