She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
