Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
