And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
