You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
