Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
