Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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