I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
