i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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