To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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