where does the pee come out of this thing
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
