Your mouth is God's brothel.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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