I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
