I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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