i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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