It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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