The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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