god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
