I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
