In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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