im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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