I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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