Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
