Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
