Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
