A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
