No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
