man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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