Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
how drunk are you?
Several
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
