she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
