Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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