I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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