just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
