i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
