So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm like, not good at living.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
