I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
