When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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