did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
