OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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