oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
