peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He did a backflip because drugs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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