I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
