Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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