Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
