What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
