girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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