Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
