Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
