You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
